Inner Surfing

(This is a pic of Kali (goddess of transformation through death) at my altar fireplace. She has been busy...

Continuing to try to "splutter my living experience into words:"

Things have recently and rather dramatically gotten a lot quieter in my reality. And I have been quite busy with clients and work.

I just reread my previous post, and I was talking about the sense of my center of gravity shifting from its former residence within my (wounded) emotional body much of the time, towards my soul.

This shift has continued. I would have to say that there has been a leap, perhaps in the last two-three weeks. I feel I am on a journey that is accelerating into warp speed. I did once travel on the Concorde in the 80s, racing across the Atlantic to see my former spiritual teacher (he didn't show up). There was a definite moment when the plane shifted through the sound barrier. Bumpier for a while and then quieter. Much faster, but quieter.

I'm feeling like that. I feel as though I have awoken from a dream - the dream of my former self. Now, if you have been my student over the past 12 years, you have certainly heard me speak and teach about this kind of thing before. The whole Meltdown training was (and is) about how to practically dissolve the "alleged self" and wake up in the Field Within Which Everything Arises (again, insert your fave word for God here). And I was teaching from experience. But it was as though I was in a long dream from which I would occasionally awaken. Looking around at the awake "real" world, I would enthusiastically devise wake-up devices and teach them to people, who would then have awakening experiences.

But I wasn't established in a reality of being awake. And I'm not fully established in it now, but I am experiencing long periods of awakeness. I am a little leery of saying this in "public" here, but it is my true experience and I offer it in service to all of our awakening process.

What do I mean by awake? Well, the central experience of reality for me has shifted from the world seen through Katie's eyes (and feelings, and beliefs, etc.) to a world of which I am simply a loving, breathing, living part. My ego still runs, but it doesn't carry me off so far so fast. Beliefs and feelings move through, but they seem funny to me. And yes, I know I said that when I had my first "motherwave" awakening in 1994 - "everything seems funnier to me."   Well, it's just more so now, in fact the feeling of the "cosmic, compassionate giggle" has gone way over the 50% line of my experience.

I (like you probably) have known for a long time that I am "not my thoughts, not my feelings, not my body, not my sense of self." And if I'm not that, then the world I'm seeing can't be what I'm seeing it as, either.

So suddenly - or at least fairly rapidly and increasingly - it has become the primary reality of my experience that the slightly­­--or very--anxious dream I used to relate to as reality (despite "knowing better" spiritually and philosophically) is actually not reality, and that something else is. And, sorry to be corny, but the something that IS reality seems indescribable and unnameable and untalk-aboutable. But I will say that it is a loving presence. And within it, everything in outer reality seems to operate differently. It is as though different laws apply. Everything feels magical, but not in the way of the old new age magical thinking where you want to control things because you are afraid of them not going your way. It's magical because I feel surrendered to the way things go or don't go, more than ever in my life. And everything seems to be going "my" way--whoever that way may belong to!

And please note, this shift is caused by no new boyfriend, no great career or financial breakthrough, plus my cat just magically swallowed a reel of thread and needed a $1000 operation, and my dad is suddenly very sick at 88 and I am racing across that pond again next week, second time in 6 weeks, 24 hours in planes, to see him.

And I feel okay about everything. Everything is a divine flow of grace, bringing greater and greater love, abundance, beauty and opportunity for service. I don't hope this, I know it with "inspired certainty."

I'm teaching the second Soulwave One: Initiation training this weekend before I travel, and I'm really looking forward to how it is going to come through, since I feel so very very ... different.

Watch this space. I will write again when I return from visiting dad. Sending love to all.

p.s. By the way, check out this fabulous flash animation (keep going, it gets good) if you want to take a 15-minute journey into yet another parallel reality! I promise you that you won't experience anything remotely like this in a soulwave radical hypnogression!