Inner Surfing

Love yourself and watch -
Today, tomorrow, always.
First establish yourself in the way,
Then teach,
And so defeat sorrow.
To straighten the crooked
You must first do a harder thing -
Straighten yourself.
You are your only master.
Who else?

Hi! Yes, I know, you've been following my blog avidly, and have checked every day for 14 months and I haven't blogged. Sorry about that!

Do you know who said the above quotation? I'll give the answer at the end of this post. You may be surprised, as I was, and say, "But I didn't think that teacher spoke of loving oneself!"

Of course, "to love myself" can mean different things according to who or what I think "myself"...er... am! I used to believe that loving myself meant following all impulses, creating so-called realities to satisfy what I thought were my desires. I was widely recognized as a "great manifester."

"Hmm! And how did that work for you, Katie?"

"Not great, actually!"

It's one of those chaos theory /butterfly effect things, like the principle of sensitive dependence on initial conditions, where getting the premise just slightly - ah - wrong can set off an unwanted hurricane in the climate of your own experience. The premise: that you are who you think you are. That the bundle of impressions that you identify with as it bumbles along through time and space is you! Like Morgana, the whinier of my two cats, this alleged self constantly demands junk food and then pukes it up on the Turkish rug.

I know, I know, I sound like some Eastern person giving "satsang" (spiritual discourse) but I'm really talking directly from my now experience here. I will try to do better and communicate more directly: What do I mean by "junk food" for the self?
Well, as far as the cats' diet goes, a cat-loving neighbor is trying to convince me that I should convert them to raw meat. I tried once before, but apparently not in the right way - it takes more than slapping a new plate of sushi down and saying, "You're gonna like it, because it's good for ya!"

They are CATS, and (like your Soul) not easily manipulated. I would have to gradually wean them from dry kibble which they are addicted to day-in-day-out, via healthy wet food from cans, into which I would start sneaking bits of the raw meat. Eventually, but possibly after some digestive problems (ahem - this was why I balked last time - those problems went on my rug from both ends!), the cat becomes a mini-lion, raw meat convert, starts singing Rasta songs and giving true feline transmissions of its real nature. And perhaps won't die of horrible junk food diseases.

It sounds like a lot of trouble, especially since I am away a lot, (and it will soon be more of the time), leaving them in kind hands - but could I teach all this to my cat-sitters? Merlin and Morgana are so attached to their kibble even though it contains veggies and grain which, my friend pointed out, you just don't see lions in the wild eating.

So, bringing this metaphor home: I don't know if I will do this with the cats, because they resist change.

But as for me, I am taking great care with what I put in my consciousness. Raw truth, no more opinions. If you have hung around me, especially when I am (a) sick and (b) in full throttle of creative writing, you know that I am always surrounded by books. Some people even think I read/have too many! I don't know why! Just because they have their own room? What's your problem?

Yet out of thousand of books I have read, only a few seem to be sacred transmissions of raw truth. Every other book in my vast library is basically kibble––a bit of truth cooked up with the carbs of someone's opinions. Some of them seem more "received" than others. Of course some are mysteries or books about science, but I am talking about spiritual/psychological/personal growth books... Most of these feel as though they were written by someone stuck in their mind trying to mentally resolve some issues and convince the reader that he has got it right.

One night a year or so ago, I was in a very deep place after my dad died. The whole situation around his death was a bit challenging, because no one in our family except me felt that he was going anywhere new or that the transition was anything more than an ending. At the same time, I was the only one who cried, because it was important to keep a "stiff, upper lip," and––amazingly––I have since received flak for weeping at his death-bed!

When I came home and wanted some real inspiration, and faced my hundreds of metaphysical books, only 2 or 3 seemed relevant to my journey. ET (Eckhart Tolle) is always right there (right here and now present, that is). Byron Katie tells unusual strong truths towards awakening. But it was my old Joel Goldsmith books from The Infinite Way that suddenly galvanized my attention! I picked up "The THunder of Silence," and read till dawn.

Joel, who died in 1964 before I even became a hippy, really had it going on. He was a true mystic, living and speaking from oneness.

So in addition to watching NBA basketball as I lie here with flu, I am also reading about 20 books from Joel, and falling asleep to his talks.

Obviously I am getting something out of this.

What he says is that there is only one power. No second power can oppose me, because God is in everything. I don't need to pray to heal any "illness," get rid of any "world problems," or resolve any "scarcity," because such things would then be secondary powers that I am asking the One Power to oppose.

And a big piece is that you manifest what you are really supposed to manifest by merging your consciousness in Christ or God consciousness, not by focusing on things you want. Again, that was what got me into trouble, because I was susceptible to appearances––the partner, home, career, etc.––but they were manifestations of my false self, and proved to be... FALSE! Of course, all worldly things must pass, etc. etc., but I now know that there is a RIGHT unfoldment of my destiny that probably includes all these things if they are soul desires. But they unfold in Divine Right Timing rather than my ego's timing.

It's already happening for me. Since I have consciously directed my consciousness towards the direct experience of union with the Divine (and yes, soulwavers/motherwavers, I am using almost exactly the same portals I taught you––that hasn't changed much!), I have been experiencing an unfolding of divine manifestation that feels like being loved and adored by Life. In fact, although I am abundantly taken care of in miraculous ways, I am feeling the Divine Love through everything that happens–– well, almost! I don't like it so much when the Warriors lose their games ;-)

Joel Goldsmith was teaching Christians back then, and uses a lot of good Bible lines, and his favorite is one that has been my favorite since I went to a Christian High School:

Seek Ye first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all else shall be added unto you.

In other words, stop worrying about "your" life, "your" career, "your" finances, "your" health, "your" love-life, and turn your attention again and again into direct connection to source, and Source will take care of the rest.

It works!

It's a path of taking risks and not believing in worldly laws. Check out any book by Joel - if it's your time you will be transformed as I have.

And the answer to the question at the top of this blog is: Buddha - not a new age seminar leader teaching narcissistic self-love, (like I used to be!), but Gautama himself, in the Dhammapada. Apparently many monks seem to skip the line "Love Thyself," preferring to focus on the next line in which you are to WATCH yourself.

But I say, let's love ourselves AND watch everything from that place. And let's place our attention on our divine source, directly, because then we get the real jackpot, rather than trying to use "source" to get other stuff.

I'm finding that seeking divine connection before anything else doesn't leave much time for anything else, as it seems to handle things, or I get very strong inspiration to do something––but not from a place of fear or struggle or trying to control reality. Right now my inner connection is bringing lots of new guidance and creative projects into birth. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm in a hiatus––almost completely disappeared from the planet, in fact, although don't worry, I am being loved up every day, by truly adored and adoring beloved friends––and now I need this less than ever!

My guidance tells me I will be emerging into more public offerings before very long. Of course, what I am working on is not just for me! But my work will be coming forth in a new and––by the looks of it––much more universal way. I remember when I was first getting the Motherwave transmission in 1994, and I was being shown all the people it would affect. Well, what I am seeing now as this new upgrade (Soulwave 2.0) comes through is much bigger, yet much less stressful for me personally.

I am very excited.

xxx