Inner Surfing

If you're following this blog, sorry for the delay. I jumped across the pond to London to surprise my mom on her 86th birthday. She was surprised, and said "Katie! You'll give me a heart attack!" Here's a pic of us sitting outside our favorite health food restaurant.

I have good news: my body––along with my experience of self / reality / life––is changing radically. I may have already said many times that I'm in the "birth canal" of a major transformation, but now I would have to say that I'm "crowning." Some of what now seems to be here in my experience is quite unimaginable.

On the level of the body, or Lightwave Body: after many decades of chronic health problems, I seem to be healthier and stronger than I can remember being! Since the early 80s, when I contracted some kind of mystery illness, later given names like CFS and Fibromyalgia, I've been on a journey to unravel my health problems. As some of you who know me well well know, I've done, taken, tried everything, from spending months in Brazil with a psychic surgeon, to all manner of odd health machines and healers and alternate and allopathic approaches.

For the last few years I've been working almost exclusively with a brilliant maverick doctor who doesn't want new patients so I won't say his name. But basically he is helping unravel what I call the complex "wave interference pattern" of my body's challenges. There are waves that come in from all directions and dimensions to create what we call a human being. For example, my physical body is an interference pattern of waves or coding that might include:

––my karma (as in my possible need to experience things I've resisted in the past)
––my genetic imprint (influential––though less so than commonly believed)
––my beliefs, conscious and unconscious
––when I was born (galactic influences are waves of information that "printed out" as I incarnated)
––where I was born (ditto)
––my soul's "scars" or samskaras, in Sanskrit––meaning experiences I carry from past lives (you don't have to believe this)
––the physical environment of my mother's womb
––the physical environment I was born into––for example, was there radiation, toxic chemicals?
––the emotional environment of my mother's womb and the home and family I was born into
––various traumatic experiences in this life
––the general cultural/historical era I was born into (my health and body would have been very different centuries ago)
––prevailing micro-organisms, viruses, bacteria, parasites and other noxious waves intersecting with my physical body at certain key moments when it was vulnerable...
––plus what one might call a "future coding" or a higher level field that is pulling me forth, aka my soul's destiny for this body.

In the course of my earnest quest to alleviate my suffering and get some energy so I can get on with my multiplex life purpose, I have worked on most of the above. And I'm sure that everything that I've done is part of the new level I am now emerging into.

(Before I go on, I want to say that of all the health remedies I have tried, on a purely physical and chemical level, the hands-down winner in terms of making an actual change in my body has been the discovery of bio-identical hormones. I will get further into this on a separate page at some point, but if you're a woman with health problems, read Natural Hormone Balance by Uzzi Reiss or Suzanne Somers' book The Sexy Years!).

However, what has worked more than anything else has been to include the body in a particular transformation I am currently experiencing. As you may have gleaned, either from reading this website or taking my trainings, my work involves incarnating the soul further into the body. However, the soul can only get in so far, if something or someone else is living there. Who was living in my body? Well, along with the powerful, irrationally exuberant self and the wise teacher self and the curious English self and so on, there was, of course, what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain-body. A complex miasm or––again––wave interference pattern that has created an actual mass like an identity or presence that inhabits, or even at times possesses my physical vehicle.

just grabbed Eckhart's new book: A New Earth, yesterday, and read the chapter on the pain-body. If you're a soulwave / motherwave grad, what he describes is equivalent to the Tyrannical Inner Child/Parent energies (from Soulwave Three: Planetary Leadership training) or a FAM or Fixated Attention Mass (from Soulwave Two: Meltdown). Tolle brilliantly likens the pain-body to a cat's ever-alert attention. He says that when a cat is sleeping, it still twitches and its ears prick up, etc. when something moves in the house. Although it is asleep, some alert attentive body is always there, ready to spring into action. He describes the mass of unresolved pain we carry from the past as being similar - ready to spring into dramatic projection and reaction at a moment's notice. Life is a continual series of painful triggers if we carry a big pain-body. How is yours?

Soulwave trainings are specifically designed to transform and transmute the pain-body back into available, creative, pleasurable energy and attention. This is not just a matter of being here now (because I'll only have to be "there" later!). There is a skillful means, (which in my book I have called the "Power of How"), whereby this old pain can be transmuted, and that is the technology of soulwavework. It involves, as you probably know, a multidimensional approach, melting the inner fixation at all levels––INCLUDING THE PHYSICAL LEVEL––into waves that you can ride back into the ocean of life. It's very practical and it works, unlike simply sitting in the mental balcony "observing" your pain (which eventually just makes it angrier and more alienated), or jumping in to totally identify with the pain (which just prolongs it). End of skillful means rant––for now!

Having said all that, I am pondering how it is that I am feeling so different now? Obviously I have done years, no, decades!, no, lifetimes! of integrative work on myself, with very skillful means, at least recently. But what seems to be making the difference in the new emergence into a Lightwave Body that I am experiencing?

Well, first I think it builds on having done a lot of work to melt the patterns of painful fixation in the physical, mental, emotional and astral bodies. And then, on top of that, I've just experienced this new initiation into my soul. How to speak of this? The words are so common, so cheap. A word like soul can mean anything from a music style to a type of food to a catch-word in many popular spiritual books...

Oliver Wendell-Holmes said that words are the "outer skin of a living reality," so I will try to describe the living reality that I am referring to here, when I say soul: My soul is not a thing, or a person. It is personal, but it isn't a smaller, more see-through version of Katie. It is a wave of information that has been traveling through the galaxies perhaps since the Big Bang, and may always exist. Its purpose is NOT to merge back into nothingness or pure consciousness. My purpose, as a human being, is to merge back into my soul, which is a kind of moving way-station between the personal embodied ego and the impersonal "Zero Point Field in which everything arises" or "God" (or insert your favorite name).

"My soul is a moving way-station? Now I'm really confused." Well, sorry! I'm not weaving a theory here, but trying to splutter a living experience into words. My soul is the center of me. And it's a moving center. I'm not supposed to just disappear into the Void. I––my soul––am an evolving consciousness. And my soul-journey is certainly transcendent, but it's about transcending and embracing/including everything.

I wasn't really centered in my soul before, although I spent a lot of time there. But my center of gravity was closer to the wounding of my emotional body, as discussed above. And here's the scoop, regarding the Lightwave body:

I had contracted with my body to show me where I was off the pure, 100% soul-centered consciousness by even a millimeter!

This was one of those soul-level pre-birth contracts that you probably know about. So all my illness, while certainly "caused" at certain levels of reality by the many factors mentioned above, was also inevitable, as long as the body was being used as an indicator, or exaggerator, or amplifier, like a loud warning signal forcing me to fully experience any place that I am remotely off–-remotely sad from old sadness, mad from old madness, scared from old fear, etc. This contract made me hyper-sensitive.

The short version of what has happened recently is that on Glastonbury Tor (England) on the Full Moon in July, I changed this contract. I tell the story of this on the upcoming DVD/movie about the Lightwave Body training. As I descended the Tor, I started to receive a huge download, both in cognizant knowing and in waves of light moving through my body, showing me that they ARE my body. I surfed them as I know how to surf inner waves, thank God. Otherwise I might be fractured, having one of those horrible "kundalini experiences" or "spiritual emergencies" (that are really emergences) that happen when too much cosmic energy surges through a dry body.

Since then the experience has been coming in small waves. Teaching from the experience in Hawaii made a very powerful initiation for all of us.

More will be revealed. I feel as though I'm still in the middle of my birth.

Watch this space if you like.